he told me I talked like a deaf person
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
