My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
