Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
