Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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