hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
