I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
