If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
