thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
