oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
