i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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