Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Randomize
