so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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