Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
