He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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