I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
