I want to have your abortion
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
