I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
two words...techno handjob
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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