Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
