I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
