So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
