We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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