Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
