Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It's official drugs can't kill me
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
