I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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