oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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