Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
