there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
