She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
