dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
