Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
