bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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