I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
