You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
