Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
it glows. i had to have it.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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