What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
