Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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