Dual....:-)
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
