My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
