Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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