Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
