yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
