I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
