Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
