Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
