I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
