Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
