You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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