I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
