she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
