i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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