The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
