Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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