Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
