I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
