but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
