Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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