That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
