I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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