Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
