The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
