I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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