she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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