So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
