I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
