i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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