covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
